I'm lost and stupid without you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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