Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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