I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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