Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
