Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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