I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
