god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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