Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
