The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
