Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
