i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
