I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
