bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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