I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
