Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
