At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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