The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
foreskin is a definite game changer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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