Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
