i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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