she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
