Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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