Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
