That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
