I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
