wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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