guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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