Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
