I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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