Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
