my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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