i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
