we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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