I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I checked into jail on foursquare
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
