Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
