I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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