It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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