I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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