Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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