I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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