Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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