True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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