Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
