So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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