Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
