my phone needs a breathalizer
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
