Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
