he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
