There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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