Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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