Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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