not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Quick, to the slutcave!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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