How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
