Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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