Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize