i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
