I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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