When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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