I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
