is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
