If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
