the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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