Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
