Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
