I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
