So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
